My Montel Blender Blues

healthmasterSometimes a kitchen device just sneaks its way into your heart and then savagely shatters it.     It happened to me and to others.  In fact,  my search on the Net reveals that this device is a heartbreaker and budgetbuster for a lot of trusting consumers.    I chose to deal with heartbreak the way my artistically-inclined Southern friends do….. I sing the blues.


You diced and sliced your way into my heart
Delivering smoothies that made me feel smart
It lasted less than a year and then came apart
You’re a nothing but a cheap, poorly-made whirrer
Your canister worked a few months and a day
Turned out to be poorly designed and made
Twice I’ve seen you futilely fray and splay
You’re a nothing but a cheap, poorly-made whirrer
When I call up your daddy to complain
I get nothing but brain-frying bane and feign
He promises much but all I get is pain
You’re a nothing but a cheap, poorly-made whirrer
Yes, you’re a cheap, overpriced, overhyped, underbuilt, oil-spitting, rust-hearted whirrer.
And for those of you not quite as fond of prose,  here it is in black and white:   this blender sucks!  I offer this evaluation with full measure of respect for Montel and for the handful of people who sing the Healthmaster’s praises.  Nonetheless, my Internet research turned up a cotton-barge full of complaints about the $200 or so that consumers spent trusting that Montel would lend his good name to a reliable kitchen device.  I have had the same problems as the other lamenters but I believe the problem is with a defectively manufactured canister.  I’ve had two canisters and each have rusted in about six-eight months.   The defective canister overburdens the motor and then the dreaded motor problems develop.   But it is all about a poorly designed and made canister that has rendered this item just about useless in less than two years.  And Montel’s customer service has been horrible;  it took repeated efforts to get them to send a replacement canister  (for $25) and that second one only lasted 7 months.   They don’t correspond by email — only phone and they’ll make you wait longer than an indecisive turtle.   I’ll never buy a product from them again and hope you choose to do the same.
My subsequent research on high-speed blenders shows that Ninja Professional is highly rated by Consumer Reports and about half the price of Montel’s “monster”.  And Vitamix offers a more expensive but very reliable and well-built blender as well.    You can’t go as wrong with either of those choices as I (and SO many others) did with Montel’s  “Healthsmasher”.

And, yes, for those of you with a visual flair, you are correct to wonder whether the picture above is that of a blender or of Darth Vader.    After two years with the Healthmaster,  I’m no longer sure.


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